Dear William
by Lauren Rae
Summary: Reyes' thoughts on Scully, William, and her own life. Spoilers for "William" so proceed with caution . R/R!


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"Dear William"

Disclaimer: Monica Reyes, Dana Scully, and William belong to Chris Carter, 1013, Fox, whatever, and not me. How sad.   
**Spoilers:** _William_

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Archive: Sure, just let me know.  
**ETC:** What can I say? It was just another one of those spur of the moment stories! It's Reyes' POV on Scully and William...and herself. The lyrics at the end are from Rascal Flatt's "_I'm Movin' On"_ because that's my song of the week. Much thanks to Mandie for beta reading (as always ^_^). Enjoy, and feedback is always welcome! 

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I can't help but feel tears in my eyes as I watch Dana prepare to give her son away. I tell myself that it's her decision – that this really is for his own good. I know in my heart that William would be better protected if he wasn't with Dana. His life has been in direct danger, even before he was born. Still, she's protected him for this long. What could possibly be so different now? I can't help but wonder if she's truly making the right choice. Will leaving him with strangers really be better for him in the long run?

Dana's face is etched with pain. I can't even imagine what she's feeling. To be a mother giving up a child – that makes me think. Did my mother feel this way when she gave me up for adoption? Yes, this is what's really bothering me. I too was adopted as a baby. Knowing this, I sometimes wonder if my life would've been different had my birth mother not given me away. The only name I know myself as is Monica Reyes. Would my name have been different? Where would I have lived? What would I have become? The parents that I have now are the only ones that I've ever known. And nobody seems to know why I was put up for adoption. My parents just tell me that I was an angel sent to them from God. Hm.

I pause my thoughts to ask Dana if she wants any help. She smiles slightly, but says that she's ok. Then her expression falters and she asks me if I would feed William while she makes a few phone calls. I nod, and she puts her baby son in my arms. He's warm and his skin smells of baby powder. He smiles – an adorable baby smile. I smile back at him, and get his bottle. As I feed him, my mind begins to race again. Why am I the one feeding this child? Perhaps it's just too painful for Dana. I shake my head. "Dear William," I whisper. "Please find your way back to her someday." She needs him, but is too afraid to keep him. She's giving him up because she wants him to have a good life. Suddenly the tears that I felt in my eyes before return. Yes, William will grow up sheltered and protected, but he'll be living a lie. Just like me. His life will be good and happy, but once he finds out that he's adopted, he'll be plagued by endless questions. The biggest one: Why didn't my mother want me? 

I finish feeding him and put him close to my shoulder so I can burp him. I pat his back softly. "William," I say. "I wonder what you'll be when you grow up. Perhaps you'll be a doctor, a lawyer, a teacher… a father. Maybe you'll be an FBI agent who seeks the truth amongst the lies." I take a deep breath. The tears are threatening to spill over, but I stay calm. "Whatever you do, I wish you the best. You probably have no idea what I'm saying, but I hope that you seek your birth parents in the future. I should've looked for mine." But I'd never pursued that. I've been resentful and afraid. I solve so many mysteries…yet I can't even solve my own. I just don't have the strength. 

Again, I try to escape my own thoughts. "Dana?" I call. I find her sitting on the floor in William's room. Her eyes are red from crying. I kneel beside her and she takes William's tiny hand. Slowly, I hand her the baby and she just sits there with him. This is all so surreal. Then she takes my hand and just starts to cry. This is so hard for her…so hard. "I have to do this," she says. "I can't protect him anymore. They'll be back for him, and I don't want it to end in bloodshed. I just don't…" "I understand," I say. Do I really understand? Of course not. I could never understand what she's going through. I can only imagine and wonder if my mother went through the same thing. "Maybe this isn't the right thing to do," she continues. "I don't know if I can handle the fact that I may never know my child." She pauses. "But that's selfish of me," she rambles on. "If I keep him here he could be killed. This is for the greater good." I just nod, knowing that my role is that of moral support. "I don't know what I'm going to tell my mother," she continues. "Just tell her the truth," I advise. "You're right," she sighs after a moment of silence. Then the doorbell rings. We both know who it is. The time has come.

Dana goes to answer the door, leaving me in the nursery. I stand up slowly and walk around the room. I gently touch the mobile that hangs above the crib. So many memories… William will always have a special place in my heart. I'll never forget him. I leave the room and find Dana talking to a social worker. She smiles pleasantly, trying to reassure Dana that she's making the right decision. After a while, all of William's papers are signed and now there is only one thing left to do. Dana turns to me and looks down at William. "Say 'bye-bye' to Monica." The baby giggles and I kiss him on the forehead. "Good luck, little guy," I whisper. Then Dana says a bittersweet good-bye to her son. With hesitation, she gives the baby to the social worker and takes a step back. The lady keeps smiling and talking. And then he's gone. As if he had never come into our lives, William is taken away. The door slams shut and Dana turns to me and just starts crying hysterically. "He's gone," she sobs. "I may never see him again!" I'm silent as she just lets all of her emotions pour out. Mine are built up inside of me. He really is gone. 

Will William's name be different? Where will he live? What will he become? The parents that he's going to live with now might be the only ones that he will ever know. Perhaps he will never know why he was put up for adoption. His parents may only tell him that he was an angel sent to them from God. Hm… 

That is, unless he does the right thing. His life may be different, but he is still Dana's son. Perhaps he'll return to her. Perhaps he'll know the truth someday. And now something clicks in my brain. I really have been running from my past…from my life. I need to make things right. "I think I need some time," Dana tells me. "I had a feeling that you would. I'll be in touch though, so call me if you need anything." I head for the door. "Where are you going to go, Monica?" she asks. I look back at her. "I'm going to do some soul searching." The door shuts behind me, and I walk down the silent hall. "Thank you, William," I say aloud. "Thank you for everything." And the tears that I've been holding back begin to fall from my eyes… Soul searching? Well, Monica…it's about time. 

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I'm movin' on  
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me

And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone  
There comes a time in everyone's life  
When all you can see are the years passing by  
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

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End file.
